Being a full time working (out of the home) mom, you have many guilt's. You wish you could be a stay at home mom and be with your child 24/7. Especially with them being a newborn/baby, you want to be the one that sees all their first. Jonathan and I were very lucky that we were the ones that saw his first not the daycare. We saw Caleb take his first steps. Daycare didn't see him walk at all till a month later. I saw Caleb sit up unassisted for the first time. Daycare didn't see it for a few months...they actually thought he couldn't sit up by himself. We heard his first words. Again, daycare didn't even know he could talk. He wouldn't talk for them. So we were very blessed to be able to experience those things with him. A lot of parents don't. They miss those first.
Anyway, sometimes your other guilt is leaving them with a daycare, preschool, or babysitter. It is hard knowing you have to drop them off and go to work. The idea that work sees you more than your own child is very bothersome at times especially when your child brings something up along that line.
On the way to preschool this morning, Caleb decided to ask me a question. He asked me why do I leave him alone at school. I tried to avoid it a little by telling him he isn't alone because the teachers and his friends are there. He said that wasn't what he was talking about. He proceeded to ask why do I leave him. It hurts knowing he is thinking of it as I am leaving him.
I tried explaining to him that I am not leaving him. I went on to say that Mommy and Daddy have to work and kids are not allowed at work. He decided to remind me of the times I have had him at work with me for a little while. I had to explain the difference. Also, I explained that we have to work so we can be able to buy him toys, be able to stay at hotels and take trips, buy him clothes, buy food and snacks. I told him if we didn't work we couldn't do all that. Then the words that I dreaded to hear, "But I don't want you to leave me. I want you to stay with me." I told him I am not leaving him because I always come back. After that he didn't want to hear anymore.
It hangs over me everyday that I have to leave him. I wish I could stay home with him all the time but I can't. I am not a stay at home mom type. I would go literally crazy. But also, I like having the ability to do things for him and not worry about money.
At the end of the day though, I love picking him up and having this little boy come running for me and yelling Mommy at the top of his lungs. I have to admit I don't see other kids doing that at his school when they get picked up so it makes me feel pretty good. I know he loves me and he knows I love him and that is the main point of everything.
Suck It Up Mom Moment: Knowing your kid is getting older and wiser. They understand more and there are times you have to suck it up and answer their questions straight on.
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